11 PETA Phrases That Should Stay in 2014

By Erin McKinney

It’s 2015, and it’s a new year, promising new adventures. Auld Lang Syne, or something.

While most animals lovers, SeaWorld and other marine parks included, are planning new ways to have an impact; the “Keyboard Activists for PETA™” are sure to be screaming the same tired rhetoric until your ears bleed.

To wit: if anyone has to scream (keyboard screaming or otherwise!1!!), it’s because they have no case.

Anyway, along with the death threats, here are 11 incredibly stupid sayings that the”Keyboard Activists for PETA™”  should leave in 2014 (but probably won’t.)

1) #EmptytheTanks
The implication here seems to be that placing the cetaceans back in the ocean is somehow a goal to be pursued, despite all evidence suggesting that they would die painful and lonely deaths. But that hasn’t stopped the activists lauding the idea of freedom, even with the chilling new account of the painfully tragic story of Keiko in Killing Keiko.

This leads directly to the next expression of stupidity.

2) Anything involving the words “Sea pen”
It’s a head fake. A ruse. A bamboozle, if you will. For some reason, the fact that a sea pen doesn’t have glass walls makes the idea of confinement for most activists okay. In reality, a sea pen is a dangerous gamble with the lives of both captive and free-ranging animals.

An orca in a sea pen is at risk of both transmitting and being exposed to diseases they have no immunity to. They require the same amount of training and veterinary care, but it’s harder and more dangerous to provide. The only significant difference between a sea pen and a quality tank is that a sea pen provides a whole new set of dangers for the whales to contend with.

But hey, anything for PETA to feel good about right?

3) “SeaWorld is slavery!”
If you equate modern, accredited, scientifically evaluated, marine mammal shows with the horrific enslavement of human beings for thousands of years, you are a seriously disturbed individual (and also kinda racist.)

Just watch this Daily Show video.

4) “SeaWorld needs a redefined business model”
SeaWorld is a unique amongst all zoological facilities. They are pioneers on marine mammal care. They’ve been called the “Harvard” of the industry.

They push the envelop of research and husbandry technologies, do studies that cannot be conducted on free-ranging whales all in a world-class theme park setting. They continually reinvent themselves with evolutions like the Blue World Project.

In this case “refined business model” is code for #emptythetanks. And if you still think that’s a good idea, see #1.

5) Anything from PETA’s handful of former SeaWorld trainers
Would you hire an engineer who hadn’t worked in the field for 2 decades? Would you seek out the advice of an employee fired for poor performance? Would you discuss new safety measures with someone fired for violating the old ones?

Then you should probably be highly suspicious of people who claim expertise but seem to have nothing to offer but an axe to grind.

A good rule of thumb – if  you sit on Twitter all day, fixated on a job you had 5 or more years ago – you have an ulterior motive.

6) “How would you feel living in a bathtub all day?”
No animal on the planet, save humans, expend energy for the sake of it. More to the point, the whales swim distances in the wild because they have to hunt for food or sex. It’s that or die.

But the truth about the whale habitats are that they provide ample room for the whales to swim, reach top speed, socialize or have alone time if wanted. It’s the ENRICHMENT level of the area that is far more important. What PETA doesn’t want you to know is that these whales are active throughout every day.

There is no bathtub. And guess what – the whale habitats are only getting bigger!

7) “They withhold food to get them to perform!”
By saying this you may as well hold up a neon sign that reads, “I KNOW NOTHING ABOUT MARINE MAMMAL TRAINING.”

Food deprivation is not used by modern marine mammal trainers. Ever. It’s an archaic, harmful practice made completely and totally irrelevant by modern positive reinforcement. It’s wildly unnecessary as a training technique and anyone who makes this claim is lying to you.

Why would you hang around with liars?

8) “Stupid circus tricks”
Yawn. Won’t someone read a book about positive reinforcement? The behaviors seen at SeaWorld and other marine park shows are just variations of naturally occurring behaviors. Even the most spectacular waterworks behavior is still derived from nature.

Also, all behavioral participation is always voluntary. If the “stupid circus tricks” disturbed them so much, they would not readily and eagerly seek to work with the trainers.

Ask Lebron James why he runs around all day trying to put a ball in a hoop? It’s fun!

9) “SeaWorld only spends whatever number on conservation!”
Right, because running two separate, world renown nonprofits (the SeaWorld Busch Gardens Conservation Fund and Hubbs-SeaWorld Research Institute), as well as funding thousands of animal rescues every year isn’t good enough.

Note: this number never includes the fact that SeaWorld operates it’s own animal rescue program – one of the best in the world.

The real question is: how much money PETA gives to conservation?

10) “Watch Blackfish!”
Anyone who considers “Blackfish” anything more then a resentful collection of YouTube videos thrown together by an amateur filmmaker and PETA activists is kidding themselves.

If Blackfish is a documentary, then The Notebook is a slasher film.

11) “They belong in the wild!”
The pièce de résistance. Oh really? They belong in water polluted beyond imagination with a dwindling and degraded food source? That panacea increasingly filled with boats that force them away from foraging grounds? In the same wild that humans have increasingly destroyed?

The argument is tired. We have always had animals in zoological settings and when well cared for, they are a valued asset to who we are as a society. They teach us to value nature. They give us a tangible face – something for us to care for. Without them, were would we be?

But, that’s PETA’s point … they don’t want you to experience any of it.

Let’s get back to the facts, and the real animal issues. Let’s make 2015 the year we plan survival for the Southern Residents Orca. Let’s push for marine protected areas, let’s teach kids how to recycle, let’s do research and beach cleanups.

Let’s make 2015 the year we get the priorities straight.