We knew this was going to happen.
The radicals over at PETA have never been good at letting others having fun. So naturally when Pokemon GO took over the internet, they had to try to ruin it for everyone.
So they made their own Pokemon game. Check out Pokemon Black and Blue, an absolute abomination of a game.
When we heard this game existed, we knew we had to investigate. So we made one of our team members sit down and try to “free ’em all” (we’re not making that up, that’s their actual slogan).
Here is his account of the game:
The aim of this awful game is simple: beat all the trainers you come across and free their Pokemon.
At the start of the game, you are subjected to a niece piece of propaganda about what PETA would do if it existed in Unova:
“While Pokemon faced the worst abuses, children started bullying each other”. Seriously?
The dismantling of my childhood didn’t stop there, though. Your first battle is against your trainer, and naturally it contains some serious PETA propaganda.
The following is my interaction with “Cheren” after winning the battle decisively:
You’ll never guess what happens next. Yep, the Pokemon chooses to leave and join your team.
As an added bonus, I was given a chest with an extra prize. It was a video documenting cruelty to animals. What kind of person thinks this is a prize?
Next, you have to fight the evil scientist Professor Juniper. Naturally, she has a sudden change of heart after she looses, too:
As a reward for this fight, you win a wallpaper with, you guess it, hurt and bandaged Pokemon on it.
Next, PETA drags in Ghetsis, an antagonist from past Pokemon games. You will notice the prominently positioned Pokemon furs he is wearing. Obviously, once you beat him, you get a good old fashioned “no eating animals” lecture.
As if to punch you straight in the childhood, PETA makes you fight Ash Ketchum in the game’s final battle. Naturally, they turn your childhood hero into an evil circus ringleader.
When Ash is defeated, he too, begins to question his ways.
And in one final, parting blow, Ash descends into insanity.
Honestly, this was too funny to be upset about. “Pokemon Ethically Treated, Awesome”? Really? That has to be the lamest attempt at an acronym and the worst use of the word “Pokemon” I’ve ever seen.
Last of all, you are encouraged to share the game and its message. Yeah, I didn’t do that.
This game took 30 minutes of my life I will never get back again. Do yourself a favor: if you like Pokemon, go outside and play Pokemon GO and stay far away from this full frontal assault on your childhood.
There you have it, folks. PETA is intent on spreading its lies through whatever means necessary. This game is just the latest in a long line of things PETA has appropriated for its own, radical purposes.
Enjoy your time out there trying to “catch ’em all” and staying away from garbage like this.